If your husband actually resists spending time with No. That will naturally leave your husband-happily, let’s hope-spending more one-on-one time with Harry. In the evening, or over weekends, make plans to take Will with you to run errands, or to take him on play dates. So your husband needs to get back to experiencing the thrill of seeing a little one master walking and words. It could be that now that Will is more verbal and physically independent your husband finds him more engaging than toddler Harry. Yes, he had a chance to really bond with Will and hasn’t made the same connection with Harry, but that can be changed. But I think instead of making accusations and fighting over this, you should back off while creating opportunities for your husband to interact with the little one. But from what you lay out here, in the long run, moving will make both of your lives better.Ī: You can’t let go one parent’s obvious favoring of one child over another. Change can be wrenching, especially for someone like your daughter who finds comfort in routine. Since you will spend hours less a day on the road, you can be more actively involved in getting to know other parents and helping make plans for your daughter to interact with her new classmates. Presumably, she has an individualized education program, and the IEP will carry over to her new school, so she will also get the kind of assistance she receives at her current one. If you move over the summer, you will have the opportunity to talk to the guidance people at her new school before the year begins. But she is also going to have to learn how to face new circumstances in her life. I understand that she is thriving in her current environment and you don’t want to disrupt that. Which one of us should relent?Ī: Think of the hours each day you will save in a grinding commute that you can spend with your girl-that alone should be enough to prompt the move. I see what she means but I really think that’s reducing African American history to a statistic of violence, and it makes me think we really should use a black sperm donor if only to contradict that statistic. Especially if we have a son, it is factually safer to not be black. My wife isn’t racially prejudiced at all, but she makes the point that it is a known fact that in this world, especially in Texas where we live, it is a lot easier to be white. She says, adamantly, we should try our best to use a white sperm donor. However, I’m flexible on this and just excited to be a mom. I think it will be nice if our child isn’t obviously biologically one of ours and not the other’s and we don’t have to field so many questions about that. We will use a sperm donor, and I think that we should use a black sperm donor. She is white, I am African American, and for health reasons she will carry the child (so he or she will be at least half-white). Sperm Donor Child: My wife and I (both female) are getting ready to have a baby this year. Happy summer, and I look forward to your questions. (Sign up below to get Dear Prudence delivered to your inbox each week. An edited transcript of the chat is below. Emily Yoffe, aka Dear Prudence, is online weekly to chat live with readers.
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